Seemingly random things coming to a single point

Reading a blogpost. Watching a 1 minute video. Writing a note of encouragement to someone. An unexpected but much welcomed phone call. A walk on an icy cold winter morning.

And suddenly, the connections between these separate experiences become clear, form and patterns become evident, and a bit of focus and wisdom is gained, the same way a previously invisible spiderweb is illuminated by morning sunlight.

It was always there, you just couldn't see it.

I've been wrestling with why a lot of the stuff I make (writing, video, sound, drawing, painting, objects...you know, things...) doesn't suit me when they're done. Rarely do I like anything I finish as much as when I first envisioned it or came up with the concept. It very often feels for lack of a better word, lacking. It's been making me a little crazy.

Add to that, I know I'm a passing good teacher, a pretty fair motivator, and an excellent observer, encourager and cultivator of other peoples skills and talents. I'm also fairly adept and conversant in a lot of areas technical and creative. So if I possess all these abilities, insights and skills, why can't I manifest and fully realize them in my own stuff?

Well, I'll tell you why: because at some point, most every time I work on something of my own, by myself, I lose perspective. Then the thing actually becomes a "thing", external. As soon as that happens the threads of authenticity, honesty, truth and personality begin to unravel.

I realized that whenever I'm working with someone on their stuff, I'm always trying to get them to be selfish, to own and invest in the thing they're trying to do, to be audacious and arrogant and fearless, completely independent of external influences, rules, and definitions. I'm very good at convincing folks to do that, and the result is often pretty amazing. What people can do when they believe in themselves and confidently forge ahead, trusting their intutions and inclinations, is extraordinary. The result may or may not be marketable, it may not meet the accepted standards of beauty but it will resonate with the truth and spirit of the maker. Maybe someone, maybe many someones, will respond to that, or maybe they won't and what does it matter? We should do our work from our heart and offer it up for the universe to do with it as it will. The things we create are not precious; that we are willing to make and do, is.
The things we make are bridges enabling connections.

And that's what I crave, the ability to consistently build that bridge (not that it will ever be used or crossed, but that the possibility exists). And to do that, I need to get out of my own way, empty my head and quiet my internal critics, and work on pieces from the heart from start to finish. Make up and follow my own rules and definitions. Trust my inclinations and intuitions and processes. Invest my soul and spirit and skills into realizing whatever vision I have of a thing at that moment, and know that unexplained, unjustified and unapologetic, it is exactly what it was supposed to be and an accurate reflection of who I am and what I was thinking at that time.

So easy to see outside, so hard to see inside. But better late than never.

Have a great evening!