Obvious message received from a doodle

I'm of a type that always is looking for meaning in everything. Subtext, underlying motivations, nuance, essential truth...even in the course of busy days like these there is a part of my mind whirring away, searching for clarity and understanding. I've been that way, oh, like forever. It can be exhausting sometimes (most times). And I can really tie myself in knots.

But recently, over the last little bit, I've had some other possibilities creep into that busy little part of my brain:

Maybe Life, the Universe, and Everything is not supposed to make sense. Maybe it's not supposed to be clear. Maybe it just IS and the only sane choice is to roll with it. Maybe there are some answers to questions, but maybe there isn't An Answer.

I think of all the energy (emotionally and physical) I expend towards the effort of analyzing and understanding things... what if I just stopped, took things at face value, and spent that energy elsewhere? I'm not saying that I want to check out, or be blissfully ignorant, just that maybe a little more acceptance of things as they are instead of agonizing over them might be a little healthier. Maybe that same energy spent on all the gyrations in the name of understanding would be better spent towards having more empathy and compassion in life.

I've been dabbling on this post for a couple of days, lots of distractions and demands on my time and energy; it's that time of year in the workplace. I find more and more that I'm either not able or willing to multi-task (this a topic for later) so if I don't feel like my head is ready to write, I pretty much don't. But sometimes it's a mood thing, and I'll just sit and doodle and settle and get quiet, and ideas will that have some organized structure will present themselves and I can go with it. The doodle at the top was one I did a couple of days ago, and I had a flash that it meant something, but wasn't sure what (see, now we're back to searching for meaning...except in this case I didn't search, it kind of snuck up on me). It came to me about 4am, clear as a bell:

We pretty much have to live the life in front of us at the moment. Wherever we are on the road, path, or journey, whatever you want to call it, that's where we begin and what we have to work with. Past doesn't matter too much, can't change it, there are no do-overs or rewinds. Future? Well that's just a big cosmic ? mark, cause for real, who the heck knows WHAT is going to happen? Better we focus on right now, and do all we can do with the moment we have.

I've always been a big anticipator, look ahead-er, planner, be prepared-er etc. Why I don't know, I love surprises, but I'd pretty much erase a lot of the possibilities by thinking things wayyyyyy out. And of course more often than not, nothing goes the way I anticipated, and then I had all that lost time and energy invested in it, which then makes me feel like I need to make up for lost time!

So where I am tonight is that I'm ready to say "enough". And I went back in my notebooks from the past few years, and picked out notes I wrote to myself, and came up with a little directive, for myself, that I'll share with you:

1. Start where you are.
2. Slow down.
3. Pay attention.
4. Use what you have.
5. Don't take anything for granted.
6. Be grateful.

That's me, today. Who knows what I'll be like tomorrow? Check in, we'll be surprised together.

Have a great evening!