Late Afternoon on Small Ponderings Hill

I'm outside, sitting in the sun. The birds are singing, the loggers are down the mountain modifying the landscape. The dogs are fed and quiet, and I am drinking a beer. It's warm (for here) t-shirt weather. I am reminded of how lucky I am.

Others, not so much. Life is pretty much a roll of the dice sometimes, and I have friends, more than one, that are having a sucky time of it lately. Not just little things, but major, possibly life changing events. There is a lot of upheaval going on at any given moment in the universe, whether we want to acknowledge it or not.

I've been working on a post about the dark parts of our personalities, using myself as an example, but can't seem to coax it all out. Instead of my usual flood of words, it just is trickling out in small bits. So I put it aside then go back to it repeatedly. It feels important to stay after. But then something happens that lets me see that line of questioning in a larger context, challenging some assumptions and forcing me to look at a bigger picture of the world around me. And this is where I am at the moment.

It is a fact, no matter what we want to believe that bad shit happens to good people. Heartbreak, illness, life emergencies, physical or emotional catastrophies, economic and social challenges that we can't imagine, these are some people's daily lives. I personally know of at least a half a dozen people dealing with these sorts of issues this very afternoon. And the thing that is hard to come to grips with is that sometimes, there aren't any answers, sometimes things are NOT going to work out and be ok, and sometimes people you care about suffer. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it, except watch it play out. Life isn't always fair, and almost never easy.

Sometimes time, space, distance, or life situations leave us with few options to offer towards help, comfort or support. I experienced this with my sister some years ago. Phone calls, letters and emails, all words, served no good against her daily challenges. At some point, words of support, love and care don't matter too much. That was a hard lesson to learn, and one I often forget when people I care about are suffering and that's all I have to offer. But that's the reality of some situations.

So what to do? To do nothing feels like an unacceptable answer. More words, chatter, cheerleading in the face of crisis, while done with good intention seems trivial and a way of denying the day to day reality a person is going thru. Gestures like candy, or flowers or cards pale in front of the gravity of the real issues people are dealing with. So, what..what to do?

Maybe we can accept things for what they are; be sad, be angry, be depressed, just be honest about it. Maybe we accept that bad things happen, but don't get stuck on it. Maybe we stand up, and put one foot in front of the other and move. Maybe to be compassionate and empathetic and sensitive to what other people are having to deal with and just letting it (and they) be and do what they need to is the best way of honoring that person. Maybe we make ourselves accessible and responsive, but not hovering or suffocating. Maybe we could understand a little more. Maybe we each live our own lives and trust that others know how to best live and navigate theirs. It's their turn, it's what life has dealt them today. And tomorrow, it could be ours. And I for one would want anyone that cared about me to have faith in my strength and resilience, and trust that I would reach when and if I needed some help.

I'm pretty realistic and have witnessed and been party to some tragedy in my years. I tend towards optimism. But truthfully there comes a time when you just have to say "what is, is." And that's all that matters. Sometimes, you just have to deal with stuff as best you can, any way you can. And that goes for all of us.

Today I'm lucky. Tomorrow or the next day, who knows? Whatever hand life decides to deal to me, I hope I can play it with the grace and dignity that I see in others.

I hope today you and all the people you love are lucky. And if you're not, if it's your turn to have the dice fall against you, then I wish you the strength to persevere. We're not that much different, you and I...