Why?

As in, "Why do I blog?" This is the pondering for the evening.

Actually, a couple of months ago a friend of mine that is a professional writer asked me that very question. "Why do you do it? I don't get it, just a bunch of people rambling on about nothing..." Or something to that effect but that was the gist I got. And at the time, I didn't have a quick retort or a witty answer. And I still don't.

I mull this over occasionally. I mean, a year and a half ago, I didn't write or even read blogs. Then I just fell into reading a blog one evening, and it was just a beautiful and sensitive description of one person's day, really mundane and normal stuff, but man was it something. It spoke to me, like good writing does. More importantly, it planted the seed in my mind that if I just stopped and looked, the very same things they wrote about were right in front of ME! I just couldn't (wouldn't) see them. But I thought if I could develop that skill, that eye, that seeing and sensitivity, then maybe my life would be a little richer.

At the time, I was really concerned with developing my eye because of my artwork, so it all seemed to make sense to me. If I started looking and trying to describe what I was seeing in detail then my creative eye would have to get sharper just from the practice. I thought I could do this in my sketchbooks but in short order I understood I needed to get it out of my head, which meant putting it out in the great "there". So a blog was the perfect way to do that. So I started.

Early on, I decided that content mattered. But I had (have) no illusions about the content of my life and environment. My sunsets don't seem as interesting to me as others, my artwork doesn't measure up comparitively, my opinions don't usually carry much factual weight, and my story just isn't that special. Also, early on I read a piece someone wrote about blogging, and within it was this comment: " ...it is important never to lose sight of the questions, "So what? And who cares? "If the writer doesn't deeply care about the writing, presumably nobody else will." And do you know every time I write an entry, I think about that. So what, and who cares?

Those are valid questions, and my answer to them are the same: I do. I care.

I think a personal blog is like any other creative piece of work an artist does. I define artist broadly, so in my mind, anyone that takes time to write or post pictures in a blog qualifies. I'll even go as far to say that anyone that does a blog with any degree of consistency and sincerity is an artist, and the blog is the art. Whether or not me or anyone else likes the product has no bearing on its validity. The art is in the doing.

So, content matters, and then I realized something else that was really important to me: truth matters. I don't care so much about style, look, or presentation...if I'm reading someone and it feels truthful, then I'm hooked. I care. One of the things I've always felt about any kind of art is that people respond to honesty of effort. People are starved for "real". Not the illusion of real, but raw, unvarnished truth.

Some people are compelled to make things, and I'm one of those people. Every piece of work I do is a record of what was going on with me during the making, and that includes blog entries. I think artwork is how I best and most honestly communicate; it is how I try to make connections with people. It's me saying "hey, here's what I'm thinking/feeling/seeing/dreaming/reading/doing/living at a given moment." Good or bad is subjective and up to the observer/reader and I am reminded every second that I have no control over the response of a person to an honest piece of work. If I try to exercise control, then the piece immediately loses its purity of intent and truth.

Some time ago I had to reconcile myself to the fact that I'm a maker with no hope of earning a living (or even part of one) from my work. And I'm ok with that. I'm just not that talented at anything to be marketable. But that doesn't make my work any less valid. I know my blog is not in the league of folks that are entertaining, informative, enlightening, thought provoking, inspiring; I know my limitations. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't be doing it. I believe its more important to DO something, than to do nothing for fear of not being good enough. I was one of those people whose creativity was repressed early on because I wasn't "good enough". It took me a long time to reclaim my right to make stuff and I still struggle with it every day, inner critic and outer comparisons and all that and I sure don't claim to have it all figured out. But I do know that if I just get started and try to make something (including a blog entry) then I have a better chance of being more fully human and honest with myself and the world at large.

So here we are after an hour and fifteen minutes and it's still all "So what and Who cares?" Well maybe no one, or maybe a few people. I've been blogging for a year and half, and the most comments I ever got on any entry (not counting my responses) was four, I think. I look at my blog entries like I look at my clay work: if I used any measurement of success other than the fact I DID it, I'd stop immediately. But you know what? My little boring blog with it's oh so few comments have enabled me to connect with some incredible people, some of who have had an awesome positive effect on my life. On a good day, my little blog helps me feel connected, even though the comments don't pour in. And on a bad day, having a blog reminds me that if I just slow down, open my eyes, see, and describe, then I can always find something beautiful in the world. I just have to work at it.

The answer to "Why" can easily be the name of a new and dear friend made; it can easily be the fact that I was inspired to immerse myself in the redness of a cardinal; it can easily be that I read what I wrote the night before and see something in myself that I didn't know existed; it can easily be a bit of feedback I get from posting a piece of artwork that helps me to see differently; it can easily be that writing all this stuff challenges me to be clear about my own thoughts and feelings so I can communicate them effectively; it can easily be that maybe this entry this day will help someone else somehow, or encourage them...the answer to "Why" can be a million things, or nothing at all. The answer to "Why" is that right now, it's important to me to DO it.

And if you read all of this, I thank you and applaud your patience. Have a great evening!