DIY

This is the week we turn this blog around, or put it in 4WD and drive it off the road into parts unknown. It'll be interesting to see where it goes...

Friday I came up the road, and saw the logging equipment pulled into the 40 acre heavy wooded parcel that borders our east side. (we have a little 2 acre pie slice surrounded by 80 acres on the top of our mountain, except it's not really OUR mountain, which is painfully obvious) Clear-cutting will begin on Monday. Bastards. (this not an uncommon occurence in the mountains; the "Haves" buy giant parcels of land and ravage them in the name of accumulating profit, the "Have Nots" hunker down, adapt and adjust to the landscape, having no resources to combat or insulate against the destruction of habitat)

Friday it was almost 70 degrees and sunny, we sat on the porch at work in the late afternoon sun, in shirtsleeves, and drank beer. This morning, it's 24 degrees, and snowing fiercely, the first hard snow of the year.

Saturday was my birthday. A day mostly like any other, I'm not a big celebrator of myself. So I did my thing, pretty mundane and routine, and pondered my existence and where I fit into (if I fit) the big river. Past and future, and the present where I stand is the bridge.

This morning I see these observations have a point, that being that things change, constantly. And independent of us. The big river, she don't care she just keeps rolling. We can sit on the bank and watch, we can float along with it, or we can swim upstream and fight it. I guess the only way things stop changing is when things stop. And that's a whole 'nuther ballgame.

I read a lot about Taoism and Taoist philosophy and I have to admit I subscribe to the whole idea of Life itself being in constant flux and seeking it's own balance. Where it falls apart is when I personally don't accept that in myself, and resist change and movement for whatever reason, or fail to be flexible and accepting. Somehow I often confuse acceptance with passivity, or worse, giving up. Once I said something like I was cheerfully resigned to the inevitable; now I think there's a difference between resignation and acceptance. I looked this up and it proves to be true: resignation implies submitting or surrender, and acceptance implies agreement. The first sort of weighs heavy, the second while sometimes requiring more work gives a feeling of active participation. I think I've been good at resignation (it's easier and I have the advantage of feeling put-upon and victimized by things out of my control). I think I want to become good at acceptance.

So that's the direction I'm looking towards- how to cultivate my ability to accept things as the are, and how to make the best of them, whatever they might be.

Another thought, and completely unrelated is that I woke up at exactly 2:53 this morning with a startling (at least to me at that time of day/night) realization: Isn't it funny how being passionate about something has nothing to do with how good (or not) you are at it???

For example: I am very good at the work I do to earn a living. Have been all my life, in every position I've been in. Good problem solver, good manager, dependable, responsible etc. But passionate about it? Not in the least. On a good day, benignly apathetic. It's just a job.

Things I'm passionate about (in no particular order): Artmaking, relationships with a few specific people, writing, music, learning, reading, cooking, sports... Am I good at any of this? By what are accepted standards of measurement, not much. But I am most alive and most human and at my best when I'm actively engaged in these parts of my life, because that is where my passion lives. I think it's more important to DO these things and to fully invest myself in them than to worry about being "good" at them. It is my difference between living and existing.

So, I guess this is related, because i'll also be more focused on exploring my passions.

And accepting my limitations.

I think most of living well is a Do It Yourself project. Work with what we have at the moment, and start we we are. Gotta get down to the waters edge. The river doesn't flow to us, we have to go to it.

Even if its off the road a bit. Pack a picnic, engage the 4WD and go exploring.

Life is good, when we let it be and I'm heading out to do a bit of wading...