Dancing on the edge...

With red boots on...






"The only way to find your true self is by recklessness and freedom".- Brenda Ueland

I got this quote from Keri Smith's Wish Jar Journal this weekend and scribbled it down for further pondering. It appeals to me on many levels, kinda goes well with the dropping of masks and all. But something about it was bugging me, like, maybe isn't searching for your true self by recklessness and freedom a little irresponsible? And then, is that very feeling something that inhibits me from finding my true self? Now the wheel starts turning...

One of my favorite sayings is "there's always more to the story". So, I started chasing this quote down across the internet. (dig me some internet, it's like the worlds biggest library right at your fingertips!) Turned out it was slippery little thing, you can find references to the first sentence, but the whole quote took some digging. I finally found it at (of all places) a site named Still Mind Zendo.

Now, imagine the irony of these 2 items intersecting AND my recent rambling, meandering, and my recent Pursuit of Answers to Big Questions. Synchronicity? I anticipate laughter amongst the stars tonight...

Anyways, back to the quote:

"The only way to find your true self is by recklessness and freedom. True self is never a fixed thing. True self is always in motion, like music. A river of life. Changing, moving, failing, suffering, learning, shining. That is why you must freely and recklessly make new mistakes. Make new mistakes and not fret about them."

Now we're onto something! The whole piece begins to make sense, and doesn't seem nearly as irresponsible. In fact I read it as a suggestion to choose to take chances and not fear mistakes. And accept that mistakes will inevitably happen, but most importantly, "not fret about them."

I think the not fretting is the secret ingredient here. Choose, act, succeed or fail, learn, move on. Note that it doesn't say revisit, rehash, relive, re-DO. This is where I often get stuck. The first 4 parts come easy to me, and I personally am comfortable with mistakes, failure, and unplanned outcomes. But the move on part? This is my dilemma.

I tend to analyze and overthink most every action in retrospect. This is because we don't live in a vacuum, and I believe in the ripple effect of action. I like to think that I have a positive or at the worst benign effect on the rest of the world, but somehow doubt that's true. So while I'm inclined, oriented and enjoy recklessness, I'm very often really cautious. Ask me why and I'll tell you sincerely that I don't want my actions to impose on or negatively affect others. But I'm wondering if there's a different real reason and I'm using that as a convenient excuse?

So I have questions for the audience: First, how many of you out there either know your true self or actively seek it? Secondly, did you or do you seek the truth within yourself with reckless abandon, and how did that work out? Finally, which have you found to be the greater good: discovering and living your true life at whatever the cost (and is it/was it worth it?) or did you choose something less than full-on authenticity, and why? and did the concession turn out to be the better choice for you?

Personal questions I know, but I'd love to hear your stories. It might help me make some sense out of mine. Feel free to post comments as anonymous, or you can email me and I'll summarize and post them as summaries in the comments section. Or, equally valid, you can all just chime in, tell me to grow up and get over myself.

Which might not be the worst idea ever.

Have a great evening. Be warm, be happy, be grateful.