small ponderings

fini.

2007-09-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

Time to stop pondering and start doing.

I am an artister, my work is artisting, as often and as much as possible.

Real life is analog, a messy business if done right.

An oldish quote from Wes Modes which resonates quite strongly these days:

"Without connecting people to people, the Internet isn't worth shit. A bunch of machines up-on-high presenting static information to us little people down below. More machines in our lives, taking us one step further from the world of love and life and work. The real world. Remember that one? The world full of joy and pain and dirt and unexpected surprises."

Reaching a harmonious agreement with the tools and making more stuff, that's where I'm heading...

Look thru the ether window, follow along, and join in if you're so inclined...

ciao all, be well and stay in touch. I'll see you on the flip side.

what the ?

2007-09-03T07:49:00.000-04:00

what, pray tell, has happend to my template? i don't post for a couple of days, and it's AFU.

hmmpf. time to rebuild/recycle?

Breeze

2007-09-01T11:59:00.003-04:00

Click To Play

Rustic Theater

2007-08-19T11:03:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

DIY theater

Blogging other people's blogs...

2007-08-18T10:02:00.000-04:00

Good morning class...

Required reading, testable material. Pop quiz forthcoming.

Marc Snyder's FIMP

Make stuff, set it free, make more.

"Without that audience, it's just a pile of stuff. With that audience, it's art."

Now that's one of the best arguments I've seen for showing stuff.

prelude to making the next stuff...

2007-08-15T18:46:00.000-04:00

why make stuff?

2007-08-15T07:44:00.001-04:00

my friend tom knew i needed a boost, sent me this snip he received from a friend of his:

"On this shore, we shall raise our monuments of stones,
of wood, of mud, of color, of labor, of belief, of being,
of life, of love, of self, of man expressed
in self-determined compliance, or willful revolt,
secure in this avowed truth, that no man is our master,
nor can any ever be, at any time in time to come."
-Bob Kaufman
from "To My Son Parker, Asleep in the Next Room"

(i especially like the self-determined part...)

impromptu windows

2007-08-13T17:52:00.001-04:00

Click To Play

Shakey Cam presents:

2007-08-08T21:21:00.000-04:00

My response to the big art machine: *

Ephemeral. Cheap. Accessible. Fun.

Anyone can do it.

"we're not making art, we're making ourselves..."

*(I made this after I got home this evening from a hot grueling day with several more to follow, only differentiated by the ever increasing amount of people and confusion to contend with. Sometimes the only thing left to do is sit in my chair and blow bubbles. I'm not quite sure what this says about my state of being, but they looked good against the sunlight...oh, and banana popsicles are helpful too...)

Making stuff

2007-08-05T08:30:00.001-04:00

The stuff I think about

2007-07-31T19:28:00.000-04:00

Workdays leave me mostly nonverbal and non-literate, but this is some of the stuff on my mind lately...

and here is some of the stuff I've done lately...

Alert the media!

2007-07-28T09:46:00.000-04:00

A new post! However brief, though I intend to do a more substantial one later (as soon as I wrote that flashing on the thought that intention frequently gets derailed lately...)

I am beginning to allow for the fact that I'm a much better reader than writer. Caught up on some of the folks in my links, oh my goodness there's some good stuff there! And I'm adding a link this morning (prompting this post)- a fellow named Tucker Nichols that I stumbled on; I love his stuff and the comments he gets are as good as the posts he does. Of course, my being so far behind the curve on popular culture he's probably a world-renknowned blogstar and I don't know it. But what do I care, good is good and better late than never.

Immediate followup

2007-07-25T08:21:00.000-04:00

File under irony...

As I was making that last post, one cat came and sat in my lap, another nestled behind my neck on the chair back, both purring contentedly. Lucy and Izzy in their respective sleepy spots, dogsnoring contentedly.

I have had some idea over the years that if I could evolve to being a stuff-making semi-hermit surrounded by and having conversations with only dogs, cats, birds, trees, rocks and the wind, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Apparently, I am closer to that than I might have thought. If I only had the time to make stuff, I guess I'd be pretty much there.

Navigating obstructions

2007-07-25T08:11:00.001-04:00

Too many demands from too many directions to be able to think/write/read and post lately. Busy-ness can be a disease. In my case it's mostly a problem of imposed speed and scale. So I need to let the dust settle, smoke clear, and all the internal and external noise quiet down a bit.

Advice welcome if you have it. (I tried the "just say no" approach, that didn't seem to work out so good...)

(Ab)Normal broadcasts resuming soon...

Because most of the time the only answer is keep going...

2007-07-19T08:19:00.001-04:00

(today's Indeterminacy)

Making a muddle

2007-07-15T22:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a busy couple of days with a wicked work week looming. This necessitated some mojito mellowing therapy. Of course, I needed the proper utensil for official mojito construction...

Details

2007-07-15T22:31:00.001-04:00

How it happens

2007-07-15T21:56:00.000-04:00

A brief look at how I make stuff or "The evolution of a thing..."

New linkage goodness

2007-07-15T21:54:00.000-04:00

Eyes right, and read...

Working hard for your entertainment pleasure.

Re-start

2007-07-10T20:43:00.001-04:00

It was hot today.

Ponderings have been few and far between. Want to know why? It doesn't really matter. Suffice it to say I lost my way, for various reasons.

I took this great trip in May that reminded me how to see, feel, hear, experience, absorb, slow down and not think. Also, it gave me a short and sweet glimpse of how things can be. But back to the daily routine, try as I might to hold onto those lessons, I couldn't. The contrast between known elements, between the two sides of the same coin became a bit overwhelming. I worry about my ability to dream AND do. There seems to be some rust on the gearworks (which is not necessarily a bad thing, I have an aesthetic appreciation for rust, but not when it brings the machinery to a halt from disuse).

Thus the water park. I can make stuff. I could make this, I would in an instant and love every second of it.

I have a friend that recently experienced a satori-like moment of clarity about who they are and what they should be doing. I find this incredibly inspiring and very hopeful.

Getting the ideas out of my head (however insignificant, the ideas I mean, not my head) is a start to making stuff again. The start, that's the hard part, getting past the inertia and excuses and challenges and just MOVING. Mark-making leads to drawing, drawing to painting, painting to painting on things, so of course then one needs to make/build/assemble/alter things to be painted on, and all the better if they whirl, spray, rattle, move about...

"Random displays of seemingly pointless activities..."

But as necessary to Life for some of us as food, water and air.

Have some limeade. It's hot.

I still make stuff (occasionally...)

2007-07-08T09:42:00.000-04:00

Lately, tshirts.

Viva la revolucion!

Off to work for me...

(thank you for the wise words and inspiration, you know who you are!)

Found wisdom (illustrated)

2007-06-30T13:16:00.000-04:00

"Monks don't Multitask"

(detail from my latest smearing...)

Since I can't make sense of it, I might as well try to make the best of it...

2007-06-28T08:04:00.000-04:00

Today's John Cage Indeterminacy:

Wisdom finds you when you least expect it and need it most...

" It's always Thursday and the wisteria is always blooming..."

2007-06-26T07:23:00.000-04:00

Because it's good to remember that complicated days and bumpy times don't last forever, and that more good stuff generally happens than bad. (Bad stuff just tends to get all the attention...)

Therein lays the value of making good memories. So it's time to get to work.

Antidote

2007-06-24T10:10:00.000-04:00

To too much work, too many people, too much noise, not enough time to make much of anything, read, write, or watch blogs:

Life's short: have another Mojito...

(watching fireflies at midnight is bonus...)

Leaping back into the fray...

What I'd do this weekend if I had a magic wand...

2007-06-14T20:58:00.000-04:00

(photo from their flickr site)

They're back on the river...

The Miss Rockaway Armada

I'd SO go to the show...

I need to know these people. I DO recognize these people, even though I've never met them. I am of their Tribe, and there are more of us, scattered far and wide.

What type of folks can sustain this energy and effort, this joy in making and doing, for the second year running? Let me tell you, this is hard play. And I would so love to be right in the middle of it, from now till they pull in and drydock wherever that might be at the end of the summer.

Authentic art from the heart, just for the fun, experience and sheer hell of it...

Wow. I wanna go down the river!

Operating Instructions...

2007-06-14T06:40:00.000-04:00

which I communicated at a particularly hectic moment earlier this week:

back off
mellow out
slow down
be patient.

It seems to me that we (the ubiquitous human "we" of western culture and current day society) have a little problem with scale and speed.

A solution?

Just say no.

Slow down.

Do less.

It's a whole New Deal.

Present tense

2007-06-12T07:52:00.001-04:00

I'm about to head out to the day job. Thought I'd attempt a post before the rest of the world gets the best of my energy and attention. My readers, both of you, deserve much more than leftovers...

I work in a funny place. Organizationally, we tend to be problem revisitors, repeaters, perpetuators. It's taken me a long time to make peace with that. It is what it is, and it's not all bad. But some of the conversations would make your head explode, or maybe implode.

I digress, which I'm prone to do.

Anyway, revisiting yet another in a series of endless circular debates recently, I said this:

"You can't do anything about what happened, you can't do anything about what might happen, all you can do is something about what IS happening, the rest of it isn't real!..."

(That, and the realization that any thought of control is an illusion anyway...)

I amaze myself sometimes.

We are Here, the time is Now.

I'm off to see what happens today...

Infrequent transmissions

2007-06-11T17:56:00.000-04:00

No cause, other than time passing, and it's spent in other places besides in front of this screen. Not lacking for subjects or content at all, to the contrary, maybe more material than ever. But like this buddha (one of a few scattered here and there on my mountain) I seem to find myself more interested in sitting still and listening (this early evening to doves, hummingbirds, an owl a bit ago) than talking or writing. Maybe my language is changing.

Well, of course it is...doesn't everything?

Note the smile. And for some reason, I was just struck just this moment with a sudden and powerful memory of the scent of wisteria...

Life. The wheel goes round.

Random broadcast

2007-06-04T07:18:00.000-04:00

Seems like forever since I posted. Which it has been a guess, a day in internet time is like 7 dog years.

Lots of pondering, some making, more than enough day-job work. Tending to spend more time outside and less in front of the screen. Handwriting and illustrating letters. Slowing down, doing less. Changing directions, or more accurately, meandering and less inclined to worry about accomplishing this and moving on to that.

Pictures and topics galore, projects in germination, poems to be written or not, treasure maps to follow. Also, laundry, mowing, working on the van. Life.

From dinner the other night (me): "I'm more interested in ideas, concepts and experiences than I am objects- I want to live, make and accumulate stories, not stuff..."

Hummingbirds at the feeder, Lucy ready for a walk, the workday awaits. It rained this weekend (finally) and the world out the door is lush and green.

Let's go see what's out there...

More later, sometime.

Found reminders

2007-05-29T07:24:00.001-04:00

This was in the home of one of the places I stayed on my big adventure. Taped overhead in a stairwell, so the whole family could see it every time they came up. It's about 20 years old, the artist is now all grown and manages an alternative gallery in a liberal and energetic town.

The reminder is still valid every day. The clarity of children is pretty powerful stuff.

Minds, like doors and windows, best function when open.

At ease

2007-05-27T13:00:00.000-04:00

I'm working today, in the middle of a 2wk stretch. Normally, I'd be pretty frazzled, tired, weighted down. But no more, at least not lately.

Epiphany, wisdom gained or remembered while visiting far away lands and spending time with my people: It (the big, ubiquitous, all-inclusive It of living) doesn't have to be so hard. No need to hurry, worry, struggle, or resist the way things are. Reasonable and calm effort is enough, "enough" is enough, and moving thru the days at ease with oneself and the world around one has great value.

It's not only ok, but smart and healthy to sit on a handmade bench in the shade, listen to the grass grow and watch the world breathe. How is it we so easily forget that?

Slowing down, doing less. And surprisingly, more seems to fall into place of it's own accord...

Gateways

2007-05-26T07:11:00.001-04:00

Entrances, exits, windows, doors...

Possibilities.

Points and places of passage, not always clearly marked or defined, but worth walking thru and taking a look. Which requires an opening of the eyes, not a bad thing at all.

It's surprising what we can see, within and without, if we're willing to suspend everything we think we know, trust our senses and intuitions, be aware of openings, (however they appear) and step through them.

The Places We Belong

2007-05-24T07:39:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you don't know where they are until you get there, then it feels like coming Home and you wonder why you would ever go anywhere else.

The whole world as you imagine it could be just at the top (or bottom) of the steps. It's worth a slow stroll to find out; even if it's doesn't , it's a lovely day for a walk.

2007-05-23T12:25:00.001-04:00

Audio Ponderings #12

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #12

Before you forget how...

2007-05-22T21:31:00.001-04:00

I went places I had never been before, though when I arrived they all felt familiar, known. Messages and reminders were everywhere, waiting for me.

I'm still pondering them, and will for a long while. No need to hurry, I think. Speed is highly over-rated.

Dreams do come true. I speak from recent experience, and won't ever again question the possibility that they can and will.

I am incredibly fortunate.

Travelogue: Beginning

2007-05-22T07:16:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you have to go a long way to return to yourself.

I was going to say "find" yourself (myself) but more accurately it is "remember". If we are very lucky, we can drift far away, even out of sight to the point of disappearance, but miracles of a sort will happen and we are reminded of who and what we fundamentally are, once all the noise and chatter is quieted down.

Count me as lucky.

Returned from the Outback

2007-05-21T07:44:00.000-04:00

Back from my adventure. The only way it could have been better was if it could have been longer. I spent time with members of my tribe, am revitalized, restored, re-inspired. I face the day with hope and optimism. And I am better and stronger than I have been for a long time.

Travel notes coming soon. The workday awaits, though not looming. There are so many more important things going on than how we earn our living.

Perspective is priceless.

Gone Analog

2007-05-15T13:20:00.000-04:00

On safari, out collecting stories of far away places and lost tribes. Back soon.

Monday

2007-04-30T20:50:00.000-04:00

Seem to be at a loss for words lately, though no lack of thoughts. Articulation comes with difficulty. Pretty much decided to let just let it be, tired of trying to MAKE stuff happen, and will go along with whatever comes out (or doesn't).

But never tired of making stuff!

Dipping into the Tao, a little poetry and reading a most excellent book by an Iranian architect all of which are reminding me in various ways that things can be pretty good if you just let them be.

Same work, same problems, more problems, more work, but a rapidly altering perspective and re-adjustment of priorities, re-focusing of time, energy and emotion.

This seems to be working well at the moment. It'll be interesting to see how it turns out.

Sunday Stacks

2007-04-30T20:40:00.000-04:00

2007-04-30T19:10:00.001-04:00

Audio Ponderings #11

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #11

And then I did these...

2007-04-28T09:18:00.000-04:00

Apparently, an annual spring event, building new stacks...

small ponderings fun

2007-04-28T09:16:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

Fri. a.m. - starting the weekend off right

New Leaves

2007-04-26T07:55:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

Frost-bitten tree gets a little love...

hello...

2007-04-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

Or this could be titled "Why I Don't Write Much Anymore". Which begs an answer, but every one I have seems sort of whiny and lame. For sure it's not for lack of pondering; in fact, it's probably due to too much mental congestion.

Whatever. I have recently concluded this: I am in desperate need of a philosophical and meta-physical adjustment. Somehow I got to the place where I am incapable of seeing and feeling the good, magic and wonderful little stuff in life, and have replaced it with constant worry, frustration, discouragement, not a little bit of anger and just generally a whole lot of bad juju, which isn't serving me well mentally, physically or emotionally. Yesterday I decided I'm pretty tired of THAT.

So, today a New Deal. And you won't believe it, and I know it sounds cheesy, but the birds are singing, I have hummingbirds, goldfinches, a red breasted grosebeak, the sun was out and it was sort of warm, a wonderful package of magical mail from the emerald forest, no headache, very little other aches, and life is passable good. Now if we can sustain the mood.

Rearranging my priorities, and giving more thought and attention to laughter, color, dancing, music, the Cirkus project, making stuff, slowing down, and doing more of what I wanna and less of what I hafta. And making lots of tshirts. The material is endless. Oh yeah, less resistance, less fighting, less struggling. Not so much accepting, but deciding to stand to the side and let it spin itself out, and not at my expense.

And finally, taking time out for banana popsicles and pondering breaks.

An Rx for sanity.

Who knows, maybe I'll start back to writing again, but for the meantime, I'm pretty content with observing thru the lens and sharing the occasional thing here. So stay tuned, or just drop by if you're inclined, you never know what might show up.

Well, except for the 18 tons of gravel, I'm pretty certain that'll be here on Wednesday...

local color

2007-04-22T22:03:00.001-04:00

Click To Play

snippets from saturday

honest markings (woodblock)

2007-04-16T11:14:00.003-04:00

Click to Play

honest marking (book)

2007-04-16T11:14:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

2007-04-15T18:13:00.001-04:00

Audio Ponderings #10

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #10

squashed like a bug under the boot-heel of day job oppression...

2007-04-11T17:09:00.000-04:00

(image borrowed from here...)

The analog reality of recent workdays has slowed down digital activity. Bummer when that happens. Humor is in need of repair; bandaids, bright colors, loud fun music on order. Trust me people, there is no lack of material, only time and energy.

Small Ponderings will rise again, and soon. Stay tuned!

honest markings (cont'd)

2007-04-07T13:32:00.000-04:00

should make for an interesting easter egg hunt

2007-04-07T11:24:00.000-04:00

2007-04-03T18:35:00.001-04:00

Audio Ponderings #9

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #9

i had a good day

2007-04-02T20:41:00.000-04:00

Spring came while I was at work. I got home before dark, in time to take a picture. Work didn't make me crazy today, I think I'm building up an immunity.

Weather forecast:

I take them as they come....

honest markings

2007-04-01T17:37:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

part of a mixed media work in progress

Weekly

2007-04-01T11:47:00.000-04:00

Saturday:
life maintenance
vehicle repair
road work with the tractor
cleaning
laundry
making stuff.

old projects being slowly worked on, new ones started...

the wheel keeps turning.

honest markings (a work in progress)

2007-03-27T19:18:00.000-04:00

2007-03-26T19:34:00.001-04:00

Audio Ponderings #8

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #8

small stuff

2007-03-25T20:43:00.000-04:00

Not enough time or energy to do big dramatic things, so I've been working on little stuff. Re-evaluating my place in the universe. Working on accepting things as they are, and making peace with them. Seems like a plan, we'll see if it's a good one.

Blogging has taken a back seat, not for lack of stuff to talk about, just lack of whatever it takes to make the time to get it down. Lately if something that's suppose to be fun and restorative is not fast and easy, then I pretty much let it slide. Thanks everyone for looking in though, I'll try to pick up the posting pace soon, still trying to figure out new rhythms and tools. Daily posts suit me, even though this has morphed into a weekly at best. Bugged me for a while, now I'm sort of used to it, and don't worry about it too much.

Ways to Move

2007-03-24T21:14:00.000-04:00

Click to Play

altered

2007-03-18T15:18:00.001-04:00

Click to Play

First day off in forever, and what do I do? Laundry...

and make something.

Back to the treadmill tomorrow.

2007-03-14T06:07:00.000-04:00

my days lately:
coffee in the dark
work
eat a little
sleep a little
coffee in the dark
work

not glamorous, sacred or profound
but necessary, i guess
"chopping wood, carrying water"
the wheel turns
going nowhere, doing nothing.

my job is to help create environments
where people can realize their dreams
and make stuff
(this apparently
at the temporary expense of my own)
the irony is not lost on me.

no time or energy to ponder,
make things, conceive and work
on grand projects or small nothings
(someone has to take out the trash)
maybe that will change soon (or not)
time i mean, not the trash

a favorite movie: Mr. Holland's Opus...
he got his symphony at the end
i wonder, in 20 years (more or less)
will i get mine?

Saving Graces

2007-03-09T06:17:00.000-05:00

strong hot coffee
birds waking up
morning lazy cats
listening to the sun rise
warm hints of spring
reading short poems
notes from friends
this poem:

2007-03-08T08:46:00.001-05:00

Audio Ponderings #7

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #7

Dreams

2007-03-04T21:19:00.000-05:00

'cause you gotta think about stuff and be ready in case things happen...

2007-03-03T20:49:00.000-05:00

This week...wow.

How did it get to be March already?

We opened the season today, bright sun, lots of wind, 500+ people on the campus, activities, food, fun...a good time was had by all, and the work while exhausting went as good as you could hope.

Maybe I'm starting my Cirkus project here, I sure felt like a ringmaster, or maybe better to say a juggler.

Start where you are, work with what you have.

Now, if I could only find moments to breathe...

(days ago I thought I was going to do an audio post, I don't think I've had an uninterrupted awake moment since...)

Quotage

2007-02-27T07:04:00.000-05:00

Hardly no time to think, much less write. A lot of work, a little reading, a little sleep. The wheel goes round...

So just to keep the lines open I thought I'd pass on bits of reading. We'll call it OPP (Other People's Ponderings).

"The object of art is not to make saleable pictures. It is to save yourself. The point of being an artist is that you may live." -Sherwood Anderson

Wisdom where you find it

2007-02-26T06:46:00.000-05:00

"One grows tired of the hoax of up
and down. Jesus descended into a universe
of neither perfect lines, squares, nor circles."

- Harrison and Kooser, Braided Creek

Start where you are, work with what you have...

Outside and inside...

2007-02-25T17:50:00.000-05:00

Feeling the way it looks...

Small Ponderings Status Report

2007-02-25T08:55:00.000-05:00

Day job work is increasingly demanding of time, energy and patience. Making stuff time is fragmented and the work is scattered. Weather is all over the place, springlike changes to winterlike in a flash. Body not reacting fast enough, always a bit behind the curve, still in late winter hibernation mode it seems.

Humor in need of repair, a rapid perspective change is necessary and critical. I'm working on that.

New camera is great fun, though I haven't had the time I'd like to put into it. An audiopost is imminent (today maybe?), does reading from a book qualify as a legitimate posting? I think it will, at least here.

Making headway on a new and exciting mixed media project, slow but sure. Needing to redefine my sense of time. The ticking clock and running meter make me crazy.

My theory of evolution: Stuff happens, things change. Adapt or perish.

Getting on the bus...

2007-02-22T18:35:00.000-05:00

from Indeterminacy by John Cage

Readings

2007-02-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Woke this morning to a brief and unexpected spring-like thunderstorm. Startling in that nothing frozen was involved and the air smells different, changed. I suspect this is a temporary condition of things; spring weather in the mountains is an unsettled adventure and we're still on the tail end of winter.

Being up, awake and having the house
fairly quiet allows me slow time for coffee, a couple of Harrison and Kooser poems, and catching up on blog reading.

From Braided Creek:

So much to live for
Each rope rings
a different bell.

And this jewel stumbled on, so good I have to share it, via The Coddled Egg.

These are not bad words to start the day with...

A ramble which defies a title...

2007-02-20T06:36:00.000-05:00

I sat down to write a post this morning, cause I had a few minutes before the sun rose, and my head is pretty clear, but then I realized I had nothing much to say...

Well, that's not exactly true, I have plenty to say, I just don't know how to say it in a manner that suits me or looks pleasing to my eye.

A thousand years ago in another lifetime, I had dreams of being a photo-journalist. Pictures that suggested the sublime buried in the ordinary and everyday, supported by short, pithy phrasing and words beneath them, like candles or torches illuminating hidden messages- picture/poems or poem/pictures or something else entirely. I actually made a good many, black and white photos taken on an antique camera, that I hand developed and printed in a little ghetto darkroom I built up from cast off, broken, found and repaired equipment. To this day I still dream of doing that.

More than that, these days I wonder how to recapture/revive that arrogance of youth, where nothing seemed impossible and that whether you "could" or not had no bearing on whether you "did" or not. Because in the end, the doing is what matters.

So, I write, I draw, I paint, I take pictures, I make videos, record sound, build odd little objects, make things out of clay, stack rocks...none of it matters much or is significant to anyone but me, which on the surface seems self-indulgent and maybe it is. But I need to do these things as much as I need to eat and sleep, and I'm a better person for it.

An artist friend/mentor came by to seem me yesterday at work. He's a story himself. I should tell it here someday (if I haven't already.) A well respected artist and teacher, but contrary to the accepted norm of his peer group, he's an inspiration. He defies categorization and this sometimes disturbs people (collectors, galleries, academics). He makes stuff according to his inclination at the time and has done so for over 30 years.. He has a fairly big studio, ceramics oriented, that served as a printmaking studio this fall and winter. Him: "I spent last week cleaning up my studio, moved everything either out, or up against the walls, I need the floorspace...you should come by..." Me: "done printing?" Him: "yeah, I'm going to start a painting series- 50 canvases, big, abstract" Me: "how big?" Him: "like 5 FEET by 8 FEET each..., that's why i needed to clean up, I need the floor space, I'll lay the canvases out on the floor, sit and middle of them, and work on them on the floor..."

This guy follows where his muse leads, and doesn't worry about it too much. He's content to DO. Is this something that is learned from experience? I don't know, but I plan to find out. So I'm going to take a walk, go to work, come home this evening and make up some poems, take some pictures, maybe draw and write or do any number of other things and not think or worry too much about it, and see what happens.

I guess I had something to say after all...

"...Good will come."

2007-02-19T06:46:00.000-05:00

Morning comes clear and cold, it'll be a crunchy walk today, bundled up in about 7 layers, but no wind and for that I am thankful.

Spent a good part of the weekend fumbling around with the latest project, ideas firing and being fired at a rapid rate, remembering it's all evolution and progress doesn't need to be linear or upward. I learn by experience, absorbtion, trial and error and accumulating results that some might interpret as failures, but it's all about having faith and building and remembering that in some cultures foundations made from compacted rubble are desirable.

Work with what you have, and if it's rubble, well, ok then.

Seeking out some "how-to" advice from the fauxpress I mentioned that I was stuck working on form at the moment because I'm not making content that was "good" enough. Part of the response was this:

Forget "good" - just make content. Good will come.

Now, I've said that to others myself a lot. Why is it that I can't remember my own lessons? Who knows? Of course just because I don't do it doesn't mean it's not great advice.

I'll pare it down a bit to use in the coming days:

Just make.

The dawn sun has the snow tinged with a pink color, time to go walk and greet the day. Hope yours rises bright and warm. I hear tell that Spring will come, eventually.

Black beans to follow

2007-02-17T17:01:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me at the moment I took this picture that my last combination of food and camera didn't work so well...

I have a new camera and have been working to become friends with it. I'm very excited, and will expand it's use while exercising greater care in the environments I place it in.

Time has flown by this week and that's always a disturbance to me but I'm about done worrying about it. I've been running at a frentic pace, day job and my real work, the day job is what it is the real work is GOOD. Learning many things, putting together a quite exciting project with a co-conspirator that has potential to not only be fun and bring some people together, but also to result in some very cool and unexpected things. I've been working non-stop for about the last 2 days on that, researching, writing, testing, planning...getting close and ready to be doing. Very tired, in that noisy synapses firing constantly sort of way, full of possibilities.

Snow is falling lightly, not like up north but it's been godawful cold, single digits in the morning, windy, middle 20's during the day. Right now the woodstove is going pretty strong, I have a hunk of pork roasting in the oven, and rice to make, then tortillas, food from warmer climes. Maybe a dvd after supper, and then when it's quiet, some coffee and work into the wee hours cultivating the possibility of magic happening in an unexpectedly delightful way. All we can do is hope, and work towards that with a smile, some ease, and no expectations. It'll be fun to see what happens.

What I'm good at, part 2 (or: why you shouldn't carry your camera in the same backpack as your fish soup)

2007-02-13T09:41:00.000-05:00

I'm good at cleaning things up: failures, messes, mistakes. In fact, I have a wealth of experience in the field.

"The good ones don't make mistakes, the great ones recover from them..."

By this measurement, I should be incredibly great by now.

To answer the question "why?" in the title, let me just say: there is always the possibility of container transport failure, liquids and electronics rarely play well together, and there are more little places for said delectable liquids to get inside the guts of said camera than one can access and clean out in 45 minutes...

the operation is still underway, success unknown but if you notice a marked decrease in photos to the blog, there's an explanation...

Now, i gotta go wash this backpack. Oh, that's another thing I'm good at:

Laundry.

What I'm good at

2007-02-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

Well, good being a relative term, like it always is. "good, compared to what?" Maybe the problem is in the word, or the comparison. I think we're conditioned to compare, judge, critique and I wonder if that does us more harm than good? It seems to establish a relative value/validity of a person, object or effort instead of taking things on their own merits. But that's a whole 'nuther post.

If you read my little blog much, you can see a recurring pattern of dissatisfaction and frustration with the stuff I make, and the tendency to be looking way outside for answers to the questions I have about processes and methods. That's because as an artist (if we need a label to work with) it's distressing to not have a compositional skill as adept as one would like to get their point, message or idea across. I get stuck on that a lot.

Running up against that wall yet again, I got frustrated with myself, then thought "well this is crazy, beating myself up for my perceived deficiencies, I'd work hard with anyone else to help get them through it and help them recognize you can't possibly be good at everything and that's ok..." I figured if I'd do that for other people and help them build on their strengths, why don't I do that for myself? So, I did.

It began, like many other things, with a list, which I intended to scan and post. Except for the list grew too long for the scanner, mostly due to the "what I'm not good at" column. In the middle of all that pondering, I was working on something for someone else, and the bulb came on, suddenly and brightly: I finally recognized what I'm good at.

I'm not a really proficient artist/craftsman/writer/maker by most any accepted measurement. But I LOVE to make stuff. And I do. And what I'm good at is figuring out how to do things, and then, how to get them done. I'm able to do this by harnessing my obsessive/compulsive drives and using them for good instead of evil.

I may not be able to write and/or illustrate a book, but if you can, I can figure out and show you how to publish it in numerous alternative ways. I may not make the perfectly tight and well crafted videos I see in my head, but if you do, I can get them up on the web, on your ipod, rss and xml to the world. I don't take the worlds greatest photos, but I can show you how to use the power of photoshop and flickr and a dozen other things to get your work out there. Want to do a gallery show? I can put one of those together from nothing, on the cheap, all DIY and it would be a success (if success is measured by doing it and having fun). Podcasting anyone? My content may not be much to talk about (no pun intended) but if yours is, I can help you bring your voice to the world in any number of ways. Want to build a house? I can do that. Want to grow your own food? I can do that too. Saw wood and build warming fires? Uh huh. Want to learn double entry accounting and run your own business? Yep. Make silkscreen tshirts with pithy little quotes? Yep. Lay brick, weld steel, refinish wood floors? Yep, yep, yep....Need your transmission repaired? Go to a mechanic, I can't do EVERYTHING.

What I'm good at: I know how to do things. And if I don't, I'm really good at figuring them out.

I'm pretty proud of that.

I'm a good behind the scenes kinda guy. I was trying to relate this to the arena of art/making. Cause you know, like anything else, the stars are the ones that get noticed, in the spotlight and on the stage. But you know, there's a whole lot of folks that have to be very good at what they do to make that happen. So I think what I'm good at is being one of those folks. I'm a good encourager, teacher, and producer. I'm a wide ranging generalist so there's always something going on that interests me. I count myself lucky in that while I may be frustrated or dissatisfied, I'm rarely ever bored.

So the next time I'm griping about my lack of compositional talent, I'll give equal time to the fact that if I ever develop that to the point I want to, I'll already know how and what to do with it. Cause I'm good at doing stuff.

Oh, and did I say:

I LOVE MAKING STUFF!

No, I haven't sailed off the edge of the map...

2007-02-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

My workdays have changed, the load a bit heavier, the hill a bit steeper, so by the time I sit down for the evening I'm pretty much fried, stick a fork in me I'm done. But never fear, I have posts to posts and words to read and write, and will carve out some time out to do so in a very little bit.

Of course, I guess I could use the audio posting, I mean that's what it's for, but I do enjoy the linearity of writing sometimes (is that a word or did I make it up?) and why I think my writing is any more linear than my speaking is beyond me...

Clearly, tired. More later is definitely a good idea.

In the meantime, I encourage you to meander on over to the folks in my sidebar links; they all have been putting up some REALLY good stuff lately. Here at Small Ponderings we recognize fine work and aspire to doing some ourselves, very soon.

"The Web is linking people..."

2007-02-09T17:48:00.000-05:00

This is what I've been trying to say, expressed much more eloquently and elegantly than I'm able to...

via I Make Things

I love me the Web!

The Lines are Open

2007-02-09T17:20:00.000-05:00

Tell us a story. Say hi to the gang. Jump in the pool, come in under the Tent. Leave us some words of sage wisdom. Gather 'round the woodstove and introduce youself. We're all friends here at Small Ponderings!

(come on, you know you want to, don't be shy...)

Here's how...

2007-02-09T17:06:00.001-05:00

Audio Ponderings #6

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #6

2007-02-09T17:02:00.001-05:00

Audio Ponderings #5

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #5

Stuff in progress

2007-02-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

part of something larger...

I wrote that and immediately wondered isn't everything part of something larger ?

I think yes.

Have a great evening!

Morning

2007-02-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

my time

before the world wakes up

sound hidden in the dark

light creeping up in the east

brings with it

possibilities

Seemingly random things coming to a single point

2007-02-05T18:15:00.000-05:00

Reading a blogpost. Watching a 1 minute video. Writing a note of encouragement to someone. An unexpected but much welcomed phone call. A walk on an icy cold winter morning.

And suddenly, the connections between these separate experiences become clear, form and patterns become evident, and a bit of focus and wisdom is gained, the same way a previously invisible spiderweb is illuminated by morning sunlight.

It was always there, you just couldn't see it.

I've been wrestling with why a lot of the stuff I make (writing, video, sound, drawing, painting, objects...you know, things...) doesn't suit me when they're done. Rarely do I like anything I finish as much as when I first envisioned it or came up with the concept. It very often feels for lack of a better word, lacking. It's been making me a little crazy.

Add to that, I know I'm a passing good teacher, a pretty fair motivator, and an excellent observer, encourager and cultivator of other peoples skills and talents. I'm also fairly adept and conversant in a lot of areas technical and creative. So if I possess all these abilities, insights and skills, why can't I manifest and fully realize them in my own stuff?

Well, I'll tell you why: because at some point, most every time I work on something of my own, by myself, I lose perspective. Then the thing actually becomes a "thing", external. As soon as that happens the threads of authenticity, honesty, truth and personality begin to unravel.

I realized that whenever I'm working with someone on their stuff, I'm always trying to get them to be selfish, to own and invest in the thing they're trying to do, to be audacious and arrogant and fearless, completely independent of external influences, rules, and definitions. I'm very good at convincing folks to do that, and the result is often pretty amazing. What people can do when they believe in themselves and confidently forge ahead, trusting their intutions and inclinations, is extraordinary. The result may or may not be marketable, it may not meet the accepted standards of beauty but it will resonate with the truth and spirit of the maker. Maybe someone, maybe many someones, will respond to that, or maybe they won't and what does it matter? We should do our work from our heart and offer it up for the universe to do with it as it will. The things we create are not precious; that we are willing to make and do, is.
The things we make are bridges enabling connections.

And that's what I crave, the ability to consistently build that bridge (not that it will ever be used or crossed, but that the possibility exists). And to do that, I need to get out of my own way, empty my head and quiet my internal critics, and work on pieces from the heart from start to finish. Make up and follow my own rules and definitions. Trust my inclinations and intuitions and processes. Invest my soul and spirit and skills into realizing whatever vision I have of a thing at that moment, and know that unexplained, unjustified and unapologetic, it is exactly what it was supposed to be and an accurate reflection of who I am and what I was thinking at that time.

So easy to see outside, so hard to see inside. But better late than never.

Have a great evening!

Tools for Better Living (first in a series)

2007-02-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

Yes, implying a series to actually follow. At Small Ponderings, we work hard to bring you something of value in each and every posting...

I'm working on yet another "epiphany" posting (haven't finished it yet, needs more than lunctime to do it) but came across this (via pouringdown.tv) while eating and shivering at my desk and it's way too good not to share:

Click to play

Best advice I've gotten all day! And timely too!

Have a great day, more later if I don't perish on the tundra..

2007-02-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

Why Our Stories Matter

2007-02-04T07:57:00.000-05:00

and good reasons for sharing them...

via Wooster Collective

I like the primal elements involved in this project: firepit, food, drink, people gathering and telling stories...active, not passively digesting prepackaged "entertainment" designed as a vehicle to sell something.

Make you own: environment and entertainment.

Have a great day!

(ed. note: I must confess my fondness for firepits, indoor and outdoor hearths, woodstoves, real fireplaces...these are naturally the center of a home, the heart, I wonder if that's where hearth comes from, i'll have to look it up...anyways, don't be surprised if a rash of images of these things appear in the near future...)

Addendum to the Cirkus Tent Project Instructions

2007-02-02T06:34:00.000-05:00

Here at Small Ponderings our technical experts rigorously test tools and procedures before we release them into the wild. This is not a Beta site folks, for better or worse it's LIVE and IN COLOR and open mic'ed all the way. We may not be good at editing, but tool use? Now that's something we're reasonably proficient at.

So.

Read the note, follow the directions, listen to the lady, mash the buttons in the right order, and you will be on the air, without fail (he says with some degree of certainty...) no need to do test posts. And if you're inclined to do a test post, then I will shuffle it off to the side (thus, the fact that the next podcast will be labeled #4)

Now, dial up, and tell us your stories and/or suggest ways I can better tell mine.

Have a great day!

Welcome to the Big Tent of the Wandering Cirkus Of Absurd Art and Performance

2007-02-01T21:01:00.000-05:00

Where anything is possible...

If you listened to the last podcast you're reading this looking for info on how to play along (YAY!). So, I'm actually posting it in a timely manner. Here's the access numbers to call:

Dial the number that works for you, and you'll get a nice lady giving out simple instructions. You'll be asked for a channel number, use this one:

channel number= 7119 (press the # key after entering)

Then you'll be asked for a password, use this one:

password= 1234 (press the # key after entering)

Then you'll press 1 to record, and say what's on your mind, press the # key when you're done, and then 2 to publish.

If I did everything right (a 50/50 possibility) your entry will be immediately posted to the blogsite and your commentary will be part of the Cirkus!

I want to hear your stories, and the ways you tell them, and how you think I could communicate mine better (with any media). If there's a lot of response to this, I may make it into something else; remember, I don't have original ideas but I can alter the hell out of an existing thing or situation and make something completely different from it, which could be great fun. And be forewarned that I may draft some of you to participate in the alteration should it occur (you know who you are!)

I'm so excited about this! My first "make your own media" collaborative project. Let the fun begin!

Have a great evening!

(oh yeah, if something doesn't work, leave me a note in comments so i can fix it. I don't mind the processes being transparent, it's all part of the the thing...)

I like making stuff!

Audio Ponderings #4

2007-02-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #4

Commitment

2007-01-31T21:18:00.000-05:00

Turtle has just one plan

at a time, and every cell

buys into it.

- Harrison and Kooser, Braided Creek

2007-01-31T05:47:00.000-05:00

5:30 am
stirring embers in the stove
coaxing a fire
making coffee
responding to the freight train wind
and single digit temperature awaiting us
for the morning walk
pets smart enough to stay snuggled burrowed
nestled in warm spots
people dumb enough to answer the demands
of the glowing clock face
making words of my own
before writing notes to loved ones
and reading harrison and kooser
little pleasures soften and warm
sharp cold dark mornings.

Because Life is too short not to have fun (and good supper)

2007-01-30T19:39:00.000-05:00

2007-01-30T17:33:00.001-05:00

Audio Ponderings #3

Gabcast! Audio Ponderings #3

Poetica

2007-01-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently stuck on Jim Harrison this week:

"Poems don't come from another world, they come from the world we have and don't recognize..."

Mountain Gardens

2007-01-30T07:10:00.001-05:00

Click to Play

joe hollis, celo nc

Radio Wisdom

2007-01-29T21:21:00.000-05:00

"they were willing to be lucky..."

Garrison Keillor, the news from Lake Woebegone, Prairie Home Companion, 1/27/07

So there it is, we should all be willing to be lucky. Not bad advice.

Have a great evening!

Appropriate technology

2007-01-28T18:15:00.000-05:00

There is something quite comforting to me about these facts:

I'm sitting near my woodstove (fueled by Demon Tree wood) writing on my laptop, warm and cozy

the wind is howling and the snow flying and it's 24 degrees outside.

a pot of ham and beans and a second one of rice are simmering on the stove top

tortillas are warming in the oven.

***************************

Life is good at the moment.